Farmer zombie via Courtney Denard aka @CowSpotComm
I get asked a lot of interesting questions by all kinds of people about farming, but last week I may have gotten the best one yet. Tammy Luck of Grown Up, Now What? hit me with a zombie question on twitter. As we all know zombies can be a huge problem, but if nothing else farmers are innovative and can make due with what supplies they have on hand in a pinch. So when the zombie hoards start you can be sure farmers will be locked up in the shop with scrap metal, torches, and welders preparing to take on the undead. We’ve already got vehicles on hand that are tank-like, and I’ve found other farmers have already considered what they would do if the worst happens.
@thefarmerslife My boyfriend has watched too much Walking Dead. His ?: What piece of farming equipment is best for mowing down zombies?
— Tammy (@TammyLuck) November 8, 2012
Since I was in the field already I thought the tractor I was driving would be a pretty good tool for surviving the zombie apocalypse.
@TammyLuck I'm in this today. I say add cow catchers all around? Not too big or slow. pic.twitter.com/uu9GV1wE
— Brian Scott (@thefarmerslife) November 8, 2012
Modifications
I think our 8420 would make a great post apocalyptic vehicle because of its ground clearance, power, and lines of sight in all directions. It can also power all eight tires when needed and turn around in a relatively small space. I wouldn’t have any type of trailered implement attached. In a pinch you don’t want to take the extra time to back up an articulated rig. From the tweet you can see that I think some kind of metal cage/plow around the tractor would offer both offensive and defensive capabilities. Since tractors are already equipped with hydraulics I’m sure I could think of all kinds of zombie slaying weapons to be built and controlled from the comfort of the tractor cab.
Rick Grimes was a farmer once.
Other Ideas
I shared Tammy’s tweet on facebook and twitter to see what kind of responses I’d get. A lot of people are going with harvest equipment. I think that’s a good idea on the surface due to zombie shredding potential, but I’m a bit concerned. On many harvesters you only have windows that see forward, left, and right. Not behind. And they are often large. Too many places for zombies to latch on in my opinion. I’d also be worried about the equipment getting jammed up if one were to try to harvest the zombies.
Your Plans
One person suggested outfitting his pickup truck. I think this may actually be the best option. My tractor would be great for rolling over zombies and shoving them out of the way, but it wouldn’t be the best for long distance travel. Plus I could only take one other adult comfortably. A four door, long bed, 4×4 truck might just be your best bet. You can carry people and plenty of gear while moving quickly.
What will you do to survive the zombies!? I’m preparing by watching The Walking Dead on Netflix because I’ve never seen the show. Leave a comment and let me know.
I think I would have to go with a quadrack as I would be afraid zombies sharp bones and teeth may flatten your tires and put you in a bind.
Thank you for not thinking I’m a total nutter for asking the question. I was SOOOOO impressed by the creativity and passion all the farmers showed in their answers.
Hopefully this post gets around and we get some more great ideas!
What about a discbine? You could even round bale the zombies afterwards so they can’t escape if they’re not totally dead.
Baled zombies would be easier to transport if needed.
what about hand to hand tools lying around the barn? I’d think a pitch fork but most of my ideas of whats really on a farm come from “green acres.”
Quick to grab and easy to use! No need to reload either.
This was a great post!! Made me smile and made me think too…………………………………hummm. I have a bulldozer setting in my yard right now. It might come in handy?
I’d hang on to that.
I don’t think you can stay on offense forever. Defense is another part of the equation. Where and how on your farm would you set up your base to defend yourself from an undead horde?
Totally unrelated, but my hubby is figuring out custom billing and I thought I would send you the rate sheet he uses so you can see some of what it’s all about. https://www.extension.iastate.edu/agdm/crops/pdf/a3-10.pdf
Fun times. Just when you get out of the field and think you are done, the REAL fun begins of figurin’, fixin’, and future plannin’ 😉
Happy Thanksgiving!
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the combine tractor. Slap a corn harvesting attachment on the front and zombie hoards get mowed down in no time. They also get chopped up and spit out the back, so no worry about the tires getting caught up on a pile of zombies. I was yelling at TWD during the zombie hoard leadup this season as they were lead from the quarry. They cleaned out zombies from a building at a tractor dealership nearby in preparation. There’s even a zombie caught up in one of the implements in the yard, and no one gets the proverbial light bulb over their head to use one of the tractors! I like the 8420 idea too, with a giant reinforced wagon behind though. But pair that with a combine for zombie mowing, and you’ll be unstoppable. At least until all the fuel goes bad in a few years.